Daniel Lee Young
Posts: 13974
Status: offline
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It's Valentines Day somewhere... and in ten hours I will begin a journey into a professional minefield that will ultimately determine, even with my best effort, the path of my last years of my life. An entire life, spent trying to follow a truth, that in the end, may turn out to be nothing but a self imposed deception, a lie, if you will, of the reality of the American social equivalency of normalcy and sanity. I am scared. Every. Stinking. Time. When I believe that the correct path is obvious and that my choice is clear, that if I do what I must to follow my heart and trust in what I believe is the right thing to do... I end up being wrong.... I can no longer trust my own ability to judge what is right... But I damn sure know what is wrong, and I will not go that path.... Tomorrow, or today actually, I am forcing, literally forcing myself, to put my life into the hands and judgement of a person I have never yet laid eyes upon. I am sorry that "this" is purposely vague, but I am struggling with trust and faith issues that are overwhelming my ability to reason. There is one person here, who I have "spilled" to, and I hope that person understands how grateful I am for the respect, confidence and privacy, and small measures of advice that have been given to me in my difficulties. I thank you all for putting up with this disjointed "rant" .... I truely hope to clarify my situation, some day, even though I have been advised that too much honesty and openness in this case will lead to no good, in some opinions. Again I apologize for being vague, but the writing I have been doing is more a cathartic exercise than anything else. I am soooooooooo tired.
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**** you all.
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